Daddy and his Bubba Bear
Here I am with Wendi the night we checked in. I checked into the hospital on August 26th, 2006, after my water broke. I was 30 weeks pregnant.
This is one of just a few pics from my 5 days stay in the hospital before the boys birthday. I was on magnesium sulphate due to pregnancy induced hypertension. It makes you pretty loopy, so my memories are fuzzy... but I remember my sweet friends visiting and holding my hand through those 5 days! Along with phone calls from sisters and mom and everyone. I'm sure I sounded like a crazy person on the phone. I remember Julianne saying something about me sounding pretty out of it, and that I should probably take a nap.
Julianne and Jenny with Hudson.
This is level 3 NICU, the day he was born.
Hudson was only on the respirator for half of that day.
Hudson Taylor Livesay
3 pounds 5 ounces
31 weeks
(Jenny's hand)
Tomorrow Hudson will be THREE!
Having twin boys was beyond my wildest dreams. We were in heaven thinking of all the fun things that go along with twins and boys. As we learned that John Caleb was sick, we began a different journey. One that we never saw coming. I can only say that I'm still on the journey that began 3 years ago. I reflect on our blessings and I count our sweet baby, John Caleb as a priceless addition to the Livesay family. The steps that followed the initial diagnosis of John Caleb were painful. Medically it was confusing and devastating. Emotionally, it was just too much, and that's all that comes to mind, too much. I can say that I am thankful to Jesus for allowing us to hold him, kiss him and take care of him for the sort time He decided. I am joyful that he is whole and complete with his Heavenly Father. I miss him and I want to continue this journey that isn't over. Three years goes by fast. My second son, John Caleb, makes me a better mom. He squirmed around in my belly like a crazy man for 31 weeks. I held him for an hour and a half before he entered the eternal peace of being with his Father. I search my heart and soul for the reason. I can't help it. I probably won't stop that because when I search for the reason, I get closer to my potential, in following Christ, and how he is weaved through every fabric of this. He is in every tear and every whisper. I'm quietly listening and my heart is open.
7 comments:
Oh sweet Jenise,
Of course as I read this I can't help but shed tears with you and won't even think about trying to act like I understand how you feel. Until I had my own I knew how AWFUL, truly awful the situation was and grieved for you and Stepehn, but after I had Ryan-CAKE my "thoughts and feelings" for you and that precious baby have changed so much! We serve an amazing God who does everything with a purpose - hard for us to understand sometimes, but He says: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 You have been such an amazing example to me of following our God, who knows every moment of our life before we were even born - how crazy I am to think that I actually have something to do with the good and bad, it is all in HIS plan! We make so many plan for our kids before they are even here, but we don't know what GOD's plan is for them and what we will learn from them! "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9
I smile (while at the same time trying to wipe the tears away, and see the computer and if I am even making any sense....) to think of the day we will all be reunited in Heaven and see that sweet boy play with his brothers (and of course sister one day.. haha)!! He is restored, he is perfect, I can't wait!! Love you sweet sister!! You are amazing and I am lucky to have you as a sister and Cake is lucky to have you as an Aunt! We love you tons!!
Precious...your words and strength through Jesus are just beautiful! Thinking and praying for all of you as you celebrate 3 years of laughs and tears.
I have been thinking all weekend about THIS day for you. In ways it gets so much more fun b/c Hudson understands his birthday but John Caleb will always be deeply missed! I will NEVER forget this birth day. It changed my life forever. I was blessed. I can't help, like Julianne to cry through your entire post. Your sweet, tender, honest heart is such an encouragement to me and the example you've set over the last 3 1/2 years has pointed me closer to the Lord. Hope Hud has a great birthday. I love you, wendi
Also...I keep hearing this new song by Selah. I think of you all the time. Go listen to it on itunes. "I will carry you" by Selah.
Choked up just reading this. Such rejoicing that at this point on this very day you had already birthed both boys while I was still waiting to start pushing. I know it was all God's timing that I couldn't be there to hold your hand and give you a hug on this day, but I am honored to share our boys birthday on August 31st. Praying for sweet memories on this day as the sadness comes and goes that I could never even imagine. I love you so much and thank you for words. Tell Huddy that JT says Happy Birthday!
sweet, sweet post, Jenise. Made me tear up. what a blessing of a mom you are to your boys!
I am so blessed to have such an amazing sister with such a willing and open heart. I can't come close to a genuine understanding of all your emotions, but I know that my own are very real. I loved John Caleb, and he makes me strive to be a better person, and as trivial as it can seem, he really does inspire me to be a different and better nurse. God is good, but sometimes life feels so "fallen" and I get so upset and frustrated, but what a blessing God does give to each of us through the entire Livesay family. Love you guys, thank you for sharing and leading in your example.
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